Truth Before Lies

Do you believe in the Chupacabra?  No, it’s not a new menu item from Taco Bell!  According to legend, there have been many sightings of a strange, dog-like creature with some characteristics of a fox, and a rat, and even a kangaroo.  Most of the sightings take place in Chile, but a few have been reported in the United States as well.  While many scientists tend to err on the side of caution, some have been vocal about the possibility that Chupacabra might actually exist.  

There are some people who think the chupacabra more rightly resembles a lizard and dog hybrid of some sort, owing to its reptilian skin texture and hairlessness.  Mythological accounts insist that the chupacabra is a vampiric beast that sucks the blood of cattle and even human beings, and captures unattended children.  It’s really spooky stuff when you consider it.  I don’t want them to be real, do you?  But if they are, have you ever thought what you would do if you were unfortunate enough to stumble upon one of these legendary monsters?  I have.  I think that first I would try really hard to scream at it.  I have heard that if you find a bear in the wilderness, you scream at it really loudly, wave your arms and stand up on your tip toes to make yourself seem dangerous and large. If you do succeed, the bear will go away and leave you alone, so why not a chupacabra?

“Because, nimrod, a chupacabra is not a bear,” said one chupacabra hunter. “That is like comparing apples and hamsters!  You must not be so foolish as to think you can escape a chupacabra just by making silly sounds and puffing your chest out.  If a chupacabra comes along, you will first of all probably never see it coming.  It will be on you within seconds, ripping at your flesh with its freakish claws, breathing the stench of doom from its nostrils before it attacks your throat!”

Well, isn’t that reassuring?  I was honestly hoping for something a bit more empowering from an expert chupacabra hunter.  But really, how many hunters do you know of who have ever successfully tracked a real, live chupacabra?  Not anyone that I know ever has done so.  Not even the one who seemed to know it all in the quotation above.  Still, if I did see one, I think I’d rather try the screaming technique.